Am I Jealous of My Team?
A colleague asked me to help with a database query the other day. Something I used to do without thinking. I froze.
Not because I'd forgotten SQL. But because I realised how long it had been since I'd actually written any. The muscle memory was gone. The easy fluency had rusted over.
I'm off the tools.
What My Week Looks Like Now
I manage over 40 engineers working across C#, JavaScript, Swift, SQL, and half a dozen other technologies. My calendar is interviews, one-on-ones, strategy meetings, stakeholder alignments, and planning sessions.
There is no coding in that list.
I used to ship features. Now I ship people into rooms to talk about shipping features. The closest I get to code is reviewing architecture decisions or unblocking someone who's stuck.
The moment that triggered this reflection was small. Someone needed help, I couldn't provide it quickly, and I felt something I didn't expect: jealousy. My team gets to build things every day. I just... manage.
The Search for New Skills
My first instinct was to fight it. I started browsing learning platforms, looking for something new to master. Maybe I could stay technical. Maybe I could keep one foot in the code while leading with the other.
It felt like grasping at something slipping away.
Reframing the Question
Then I stopped and actually looked at what I'd accomplished since moving into management.
The team has grown from 15 to over 40 people. We implemented Agile methodologies across the department. I hired our first junior developers—people who have since grown into strong engineers. We delivered major overseas projects. The company is now positioned for its largest software initiative ever.
None of that would have happened if I'd spent my time writing code.
The jealousy was real, but it was pointing at the wrong thing. I missed the feeling of building. But I was still building—just different things.
Finding Balance
I've made peace with it now. I dedicate one evening a week to learning, but I've stopped trying to keep up with every framework and language my team uses. That's not my job anymore.
My job is to be the person they trust to set direction. To remove obstacles. To make sure they have what they need to do the work I can no longer do myself—and honestly, the work they do far better than I ever could.
A good manager doesn't solve the problem when things go wrong. A good manager is the person the team trusts to guide them through solving it themselves.
The Honest Answer
Am I jealous of my team? Sometimes, yes. They get to build things. They get the satisfaction of shipping code that works. They get to solve puzzles all day.
But I get something else: watching people grow, seeing teams succeed, building organisations that can build products.
It's a different kind of making. It took me a while to see it that way.
Moving from IC to manager means stepping away from the tools—and that can trigger unexpected jealousy. I missed building things. But when I looked at what I'd actually accomplished (team growth, process improvements, major projects), I realised I was still building, just differently. One evening a week for learning. The rest for enabling others to do what they do better than I could.